(from Bill in Portland Maine’s daily “Cheers and Jeers” feature)
Woohoo! I’ve got my Millard Fillmore tree set up, Andy Williams’ classic It’s the Most Executive Branchful Time of the Year is playing on the Victrola, and all my coupons are clipped for BIG Pre$ident$’ Day $ale-a-bration $aving$ on every mattre$$ in the $tore! Here’s your annual quiz, which you may now complete to the best of your ability. Good luck:
1. Who claimed that God didn’t intend for humans to travel on trains at the “breakneck speed” of 15mph?
a) Van Buren b) Jefferson c) Washington d) Buchanan
2. Name the president who liked to take his pet raccoon for walks around the White House grounds:
a) J.Q. Adams b) Garfield c) Coolidge d) A. Johnson
3. Who said, “That [George Washington] was not a scholar is certain. That he was too illiterate, unread, unlearned from his station and reputation is equally past dispute”?
a) Madison b) J. Adams c) Hoover d) Hayes
4. Who was attacked during his campaign for not drinking enough liquor?
a) Garfield b) Truman c) Arthur d) Polk
5. Whose high school football coach called him “one of the best pass receivers I had in 16 years as a coach”?
a) Kennedy b) Ford c) Biden d) L. Johnson
6. Who said of himself, “I always figured the American public wanted a solemn ass for president, so I went along with them”?
a) Monroe b) Coolidge c) B. Harrison d) Tyler
7. This president said, “Soup is bipartisan. We can all agree on soup.”
a) George H.W. Bush b) Cleveland c) Nixon d) Obama
8. Whose chief of staff was upset to find that his boss hadn’t opened a critical briefing the night before because “The Sound of Music was on”?
a) Reagan b) George W. Bush c) Clinton d) Kennedy
9. Who was ranked by the American people as the worst president in U.S. history in the latest YouGov poll?
a) Buchanan b) Harding c) Trump d) Pierce
10. Twelve instruments—including four acoustic guitars, two ukuleles, and two mandolins—were made as part of a “legacy collection” using wood from this president’s own Paulownia trees:
a) Eisenhower b) McKinley c) Carter d) Jackson
ANSWERS: 1) a 2) c 3) b 4) d 5) c 6) b 7) d 8) a 9) c 10) c
SCORING: 10 = You’re presidential material! 0-9 = Mistakes were made.